Fixing Eli
by musiksnob
Summary: Clare and Eli deal with his hoarding issues as their relationship progresses.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

**This story will probably be between 3-4 chapters in length. Hope you enjoy it!**

Chapter 1

I stood at my front window, waiting for Eli's hearse to pull up outside. During lunch at school today, he had invited me out for our official second date, but he had his second counseling session after school so I was worried about what state he would be in. He said that he didn't want to be alone afterward, and I'd be happy to spend time with him anyway, but I didn't want the stress of the afternoon to overwhelm what was supposed to be a nice night between us.

We had spent the last two weekends in his room, working on getting rid of things and it wasn't going very well. I was trying as hard as I could to be a supportive girlfriend but it was difficult when your boyfriend looked like he was going to have a panic attack when you suggested that he might not need to keep fifty dirty empty popcorn tubs in his bedroom.

I was really looking forward to our date, which he said was going to be a surprise. I just hoped he was up for it.

When he finally pulled into my driveway, he turned off Morty and opened his door, but I didn't really want to have to deal with him and my mother being in the same room. I knew that was another problem I had to fix, but it definitely wasn't going to be tonight. I yelled to Mom that I was leaving, grabbed my purse and ran out of the house. I met Eli on my front porch and threw my arms around him.

"Well, hello to you too," he said, giving me a quick kiss on my cheek.

I pulled back to look at him and saw that although his eyes were a little red, he had his signature smirk on his face and I knew we were going to have a good night together. He held my hand as we walked over the Morty and unlocked the passenger side door for me.

"So where are we going?" I asked after I reached over and unlocked his door and he got into the car.

"I thought we could just have a low-key night together," he said, but he didn't give me any more information than that. So I was a little bit surprised when he pulled up in front of his house.

We walked in and I started to go up the stairs but he grabbed his hand. "We're going to stick to the TV room tonight."

I breathed a sigh of relief when we walked in and it was neat and tidy. He smiled at me. "My mom keeps this area clean. She spends a lot of time in here." He gestured to the couch. "Have a seat. Would you like a drink or some popcorn?"

Wow, could he be any more formal? "Sure," I said. I was feeling a little confused about where this evening was going but I was just glad Eli seemed to be doing okay.

He came back a few minutes later with a decorative ceramic popcorn bowl and two cans of Pepsi. "My mom got me this," Eli said, gesturing to the bowl. "So I don't have to worry about throwing out the disposable ones."

"Good idea," I said, grabbing a handful.

"So I got this movie that I really think you'll like," he said, waving a red Netflix envelope in front of me. He lowered his voice, "It's a…romantic comedy."

I shot him a skeptical look. "Where someone gets murdered in a terrible gory way within the first five minutes?"

"I don't just like horror movies, Clare. Way to stereotype someone based on their clothes and choice of motor vehicle transportation. I thought you knew me better than that."

"I'm sorry I missed the memo on how you like sappy movies. Next thing I know you'll want to go dancing in the rain and paint your room a nice baby blue."

"It's not sappy. It's sweet." He held out the movie. "It's called Little Manhattan. It's about two twelve years olds who fall in love one summer in New York City."

"Sounds adorable," I giggled, and Eli swatted my hand away as I reached for his.

He put the DVD in and sat back down next to me. He pulled me into his arms and I smiled up at him. "And I definitely wouldn't be opposed to dancing in the rain if you were with me," he said, and I gave him a quick kiss.

Eli was right; the movie was really sweet, and I was really glad he picked it. I never expected that sitting on a couch watching a movie with Eli would be the most romantic date I could think of, but it really was. Occasionally he would lean over and place a kiss on my temple or my bring my hand up to his lips, and if it weren't for the fact that I was really enjoying the movie, I would have jumped into his lap and kissed him.

When the movie was over, I leaned back into his arms and looked up at him. He was sniffling a little bit and I saw a tear barely hanging on to the corner of his eye. "Eli, are you crying?" I teased, cupping his cheek in my hand.

He laughed. "No, I'm not," and broke out into a huge grin. "It's a really great movie."

"Uh huh. Wait until everyone at school finds out not only do you like romantic movies but they also make you cry. I guess people were right when they called you emo."

He tackled me to the couch and tickled me. "Eli, stop it," I squealed as I tried to push his hands away, laughing hysterically. He let me up immediately and I felt bad that he thought I was really upset.

"Well, I guess you know all my secrets now. Closet hoarder and complete and utter sap."

Eli looked down at his hands and I realized that the fun and games portion of tonight was over for now. I laced my fingers in his and he looked at me.

"I love that you're a sap."

He leaned over and gave me a peck on the lips. He looked a little bit distracted and didn't say anything.

"Do you want to talk about your counseling session today?" I asked gently. I didn't want to pry but after his first meeting he hadn't told me much and I was curious as to whether he thought it was going to be helpful. "You don't have to tell me everything but how do you feel about it?"

He stood for a second and pulled his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans. "She had me make this list," he said, taking out a folded sheet of paper and handing it to me. There were three columns and lists of words on them scrawled down in Eli's terrible handwriting. I noticed my name at the top of the first column and skimmed down.

"The first column are the things that are really important to me. You and my mom and dad and Julia and Adam were the first people that came to mind. But she made me think of everything I really value like music and my grandfather who died three years ago and my journals and photos. She said for now, I could keep everything I have that fits into these categories while I work on the rest of it."

My eyes filled with tears. I knew Eli hadn't necessarily prioritized his list as he wrote it, but the fact that I was that important to him so soon in our relationship really made me happy. I squeezed his hand as he continued. "The second column are things that either I need or I like and I should have some of these things but not need to keep all of it." That list included books, video games, personal hygiene supplies, school stuff, and clothes.

"Then the last column are the things that I don't need and I don't value. That's the assignment that she gave me. To start allowing myself to get rid of this stuff. Like empty containers or old food or scraps of paper that are blank or unimportant." He cringed, and I was reminded once more of just how hard this was for him.

"Do you want me to help you do some of that? I know it seems impossible but I'm sure I can convince you that rotting pizza crusts really need to get thrown away."

He laughed wryly. "I don't know. We talked about this list for over an hour and even as I could hear myself admitting that I don't care about those things and don't have any association that is positive with them, I still felt my heart racing as I thought about getting rid of them. But she told me I have to try, and I really want to."

I stood and yanked on his hand, but he pulled me down into his lap. "It's date night, not rescue Eli night. We can work on the room tomorrow." He gave me the most devilish grin I have ever seen. "There are other ways to make my heart race that I would much rather experience."

Most of the time when we kiss Eli initiates it, but looking at him in that moment, I just couldn't help myself and I pulled his lips to mine. The kiss instantly heated up and I could feel my cheeks flushing. Eli wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me closer.

We kissed for a few minutes, all lips and tongues and sweetness, with his hands caressing my back gently. I ran my fingernail lightly against his neck and he let out a sigh that was breathtaking. He moved his mouth to my neck and kissed down to where it met my shoulder, biting me lightly. I knew Eli knew about my vampire obsession but I didn't know just how amazing that felt when someone did that to me.

I was starting to feel a bit twisted, splayed out sideways over his lap with my legs dangling over his leg and wanted to feel a little bit closer to him. Without breaking our kiss, I maneuvered so that I was straddling his legs. I pressed my chest up against his more firmly and he groaned. He put his hands on my butt and pulled me closer to him and I could feel him against my leg.

It wasn't like I hadn't had study dates that turned into makeout sessions back when I was dating K.C. so it wasn't the first time I was in this situation. But kissing Eli so fiercely and passionately was turning my brain into mush and for the first time I was a little bit curious about what was going on down there.

Focus, Clare. Eli said we should wait and he was right. You know you're not ready so don't let your mind get away from you.

But apparently Eli had other ideas because his hands were creeping up the back of my shirt. I let out a moan at the first feeling of him touching my skin besides my arms or my neck or face, and I guess that encouraged him because next thing I knew his fingers had made it up to the hooks on the back of my bra.

"Eli!" I said as I pushed on his arms until they exited my shirt.

He held up his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to take it too far."

"I thought we decided we were going to wait," I said. I looked down at his Dead Hand t-shirt because I couldn't meet his eyes.

He put his hand on my neck and forced me to look at him. I could see the confusion in his eyes. "We are going to wait. For sex. We're not going to have sex until you're good and ready, whether that's a few months from now or when we get married."

I gave him a look of surprise. "I'm not saying we're going to get married, Clare." He looked bashful. "I'm just not ruling it out."

I kissed him and moved closer to him so that our faces were forehead to forehead. "So we should probably stop then."

Eli ran his fingers along my neck and I shivered. His other hand wrapped around my waist and danced along the hem of my shirt, occasionally caressing my skin and my eyes closed at the sensation. "If you really want to stop, I will, Clare. But there's something I think we should clear up first."

I pulled back from him slightly so I could look into his eyes but his hands kept their hold on me. "I know in those absurd teen dramas you love to watch, there's kissing and there's sex and that's it. And whenever a couple has been dating for little while, they always have to make that big decision of whether they are ready to sleep with each other or not."

His lips moved closer to my ear and his voice sounded a little more gravely. "But that's not how it has to be in real life. There are loads of things to do between kissing and sex and over time, I'd really love to explore them with you."

"Like what?" I breathed. His hot breath on my ear was intoxicating and I was starting to feel willing to do anything he asked.

His eyes dropped down to my chest and I felt my face flushing. He took the hand that was on my neck and with agonizing slowness, began moving it toward my breast. His finger felt cool against my warm skin and I felt slightly disappointed when it jumped from my bare skin to the neckline of my t-shirt. Although it was still on its way to its destination, I couldn't wait any longer. I grabbed his hand and placed it right on my breast.

He gave me such a delighted look that I had to laugh. I wasn't sure which of us were enjoying this more: him, because I was letting him touch me or me, because it felt so nice.

His other hand was back under my shirt and I had no intention of stopping him this time. He gave me a questioning look and I nodded. He attempted to unhook my bra, but seemed to be having some difficulty.

Eli stopped kissing me. "How many hooks does this damn thing have?"

I laughed. "Three." He gave me a questioning look and moved his other hand under my shirt to assist himself. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm pretty well-endowed."

My bra sprang apart and Eli cradled my back in his hands. "Oh, I've noticed." He leaned over to suck on my earlobe. "You have no idea how much." I shuddered as his hands moved around and slid underneath my bra.

"Eli," I moaned. He quirked his eyebrow at me before his lips met mine again. Our kisses had been sweet before, but now they were fiery and forceful. I pushed myself into his hands and he explored every inch of my torso.

"Clare, can I see you?" He held onto the hem of my shirt and gave me a pleading look.

I instantly felt really shy. "I don't know."

Eli moved his hands away. "That's okay. We don't have to."

I missed the feeling of his hands on me. "We're in your TV room. What if your parents come home?"

"They're at a Pixies reunion concert that Dad's station is hosting. They won't be back until long after you're home in bed, dreaming about me."

I bit my lip, trying to figure out if I had enough guts to let Eli see me. I ran my hands along his abdomen and slipped them under his shirt. "Will you take your shirt off?" I whispered.

He placed my hands on the hem and leaned forward so I could pull it over his head. Eli's chest was really smooth but he had a small trail of hair on his stomach. He was very skinny but there was a little bit of muscle definition in his arms and chest. I ran my hands over him as I tried to get up the nerve to do the same for him.

"Okay," I said finally, and Eli's eyes lit up. He slowly lifted my shirt over my head. My plain white bra was still loosely covering me so he couldn't really see, and he slid his fingers under the straps at my shoulders. I nodded and he slid them down my arms.

I buried my face in his neck because I didn't really want to see his reaction, and in doing so, I pressed our bare chest together for the first time. His skin felt so smooth against mine. Eli tipped me off his lap and onto my back on the couch. He lowered himself onto me and as he did, I could see he got a good look at me without my shirt on.

He collapsed on top of me and I wrapped my arms around his back. "Clare, you are so fucking beautiful," he said.

Normally I would have told him to watch his language but at this moment his words just sent a jolt through my body and if I had any doubts that I was wet and ready for him, they were all gone now. His lips trailed from my neck down to my breasts as he alternated stroking and licking and sucking.

Any hesitance I had due to my experience flew out the window and my body took over. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him toward me. He groaned as I attempted to ease the tension between my legs by rubbing myself against him. It wasn't really easing anything but it felt pretty good, so I kept doing it.

Eli ripped his lips from mine and looked over at the TV. "Shit," he said. He ran his finger down to the button on my jeans and tapped against it. "As much as I'd love to take care of this for you, your curfew is rapidly approaching so I think we better call this a night."

He took one look at my disappointed face and laughed. "So you'll just have to go home and take care of it yourself." He gave me an impish smile as he sat back and pulled me into a seated position.

"In your dreams, Eli," I said, reaching for my bra and trying not to be too embarrassed getting dressed in front of him.

He pulled his shirt over his head and grinned at me. "That's exactly what I'll be dreaming about tonight."

I rolled my eyes and he gave me one last kiss. "Good second date?"

"Great second date," I said. "I'm really looking forward to the third."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

**I'm sure this goes without saying but I don't know anything about hoarding or treating hoarding but this makes sense to me. If you really have a problem, get some help from a professional, not a fanfic writer.**

Chapter 2

In the two months since I had let Clare into my room, we had made a lot of progress. The bed was totally clean now, and I had just started sleeping in here for the first time in over a year instead of crashing on the TV room couch. We had managed to move a lot of the stuff into one corner, leaving the area next to the bed and part of the wall free to set up the sorting system that my therapist recommended.

Clare and Cece had dragged me to Home Depot to buy these large brown tubs and each one was labeled with one of the categories from my list. It helped me make a lot of stuff disappear from my floor, which was progress, but we had already been back to the store for more tubs three different times.

As the process went on, it got harder and harder. Though it pained me to get rid of anything, at least in the beginning I could see that old potato chip bags probably weren't that important to me. But now everything that was left seemed to have meaning and I wasn't willing to part with anything.

I watched Clare digging underneath my bed, looking for things that I might have missed. We hadn't been able to spend much time together recently so I was glad she was spending the afternoon with me. Her parents were adjusting to their new setup sharing two different households without actually living together and whenever they were home with Clare they tried to spend lots of extra time with her. I was starting to feel the pressure of junior year as my teachers kept assigning more and more work.

"I'm guessing these probably don't fit anymore," she said, pulling out a pair of battered black Converse high tops.

She was right; they wouldn't fit now but there was no way I was getting rid of them. "Julia was with me when I bought those."

Clare raised an eyebrow, but she handed them over to me. I put them in the open box labeled Julia. So far I had filled six Julia boxes, and I knew there was plenty more reminders hiding in my room that we hadn't even found yet.

My eyes fell on the picture of Julia I kept on my nightstand and I glanced at Clare again. She had been so understanding of the amount of stuff I was keeping that I associated with Julia and I knew it must bother her a little bit to constantly be reminded. I climbed over Clare's legs and picked up the photo.

She stuck her head out and held up a tennis ball that I could not remember how I got it. I gave her the "throw it out" hand gesture we'd developed and she smiled and crawled out from under the bed and put it in the garbage bag.

I kept looking at the picture and Clare and tried to figure out a way that I could make her happy without making myself crazy. "Do you think I should put this in the Julia box?" I asked her.

She sat down next to me and took the photo from my hands. She placed it back on the nightstand and grabbed my hand. "How about this? When we get your dresser cleared off, we'll get some nice picture frames and we'll find a picture of your parents and your grandfather and maybe we could take a nice one of you, me and Adam since I don't think we have one yet. We'll put them all on your dresser together so you have a picture of everyone that you love."

I felt some of the tension moving out of my body at the warmth of her words and I grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. Only Clare could come up with the most simple, obvious solution to everything. "I'm going to need a picture of just you, too."

She kissed me quickly and stood up to continue cleaning. She reached underneath my bed again and pulled out a red scrap of fabric.

She held it out to me and raised her eyebrows. "I hope this isn't yours."

I ripped it out of her hands and looked at it more closely. Fuck. It was Julia's red, lacy bra that she liked to wear on special occasions. Some really awesome special occasions. "Does it make it any better if I tell you I had no idea that was here and she must have left it by mistake?"

"Marginally," she said. She looked at me expectantly and I realized she was waiting to see what I was going to do with it.

I wandered over to the trash bag and grabbed onto it with my other hand. Clare turned around, apparently satisfied, and I hid the bra behind my back and side stepped over to the current Julia box. As casually as I could, I pushed it far down and covered it with an old photo album.

I climbed over some piles to my dresser to see if maybe I could clear that up so I'd have room for my pictures and a glossy red ticket stub caught my eye. "This is something I really want to keep." I held it out to Clare.

She smiled. "Your Chuck Palahniuk ticket?"

I stepped back over to her and pulled her into my arms. "A memento of our first date."

She reached up and ran her finger along my earlobe. "The piercing wasn't enough."

"Not even close." We kissed quickly and she stepped back.

"I kept mine, too," she said. "Where's the Clare box? Oh, I see it."

It was buried underneath two heavy Julia boxes, and I moved closer to help her but she waved me off. By the time she unearthed her box and opened the lid, all the happiness that had been on her face moments before had dropped off.

There were things in the Clare box, but not many. Her dad's watch. A scrap of paper with her cell phone number on it from when we first became English partners. A couple of English papers that she had written with my notes scribbled in the margins, and a few of mine with hers. The program from the Grundy Awards. Printouts of emails and IM conversations back before we had gotten together that I thought were really cute. She dropped the ticket on top, covered the box and sat down on my bed.

I closed my eyes, feeling like the world's worst boyfriend. How could I force Clare to spend all her time with me going through my memories of my old girlfriend? She never complained but I knew it wasn't easy for her, especially when it meant that spending so much time in my past meant we weren't creating any memories of us for the future. I hadn't even taken her out on our third date yet; we spent what little time we had together working on homework or my room and that just wasn't fair.

I sat down next to her and put my arm around her waist. "I'm sorry this is hard for you. You have to know how much it means to me that you're here for me. I couldn't do this without you."

She sat silently. I leaned my head on her shoulder and left a quick kiss on her neck.

"You know what the strangest byproduct of going through all your stuff is?" She scooted back so that she was leaning against the wall and I moved so I was facing her. "You created all these lovely memories with Julia, so many that you're overflowing boxes with all of things about her that made you happy. But I dated K.C. for months last year and I wouldn't even be able to fill one box with happy memories of him."

She looked so sad that I just wanted to cheer her up. "Well, you don't have a hoarding problem."

Clare rolled her eyes. "I meant that figuratively."

She hadn't really told me much about her relationship with K.C. I knew they dated and that he started dating Jenna right away and I had heard from the rumor mills at school that she was pregnant, but Clare hadn't ever brought it up. "There must have been a few things that you liked about him. Tell me, what was your favorite memory with him?"

I didn't really want to hear this, but I figured I owed her pretty big. Plus I was curious about Clare was like before I knew her. I had seen a picture of her with her old school uniform on and her long straightened hair and glasses and I couldn't really figure out how she had changed.

"My favorite memory?" Clare thought for a minute. "Probably our first kiss."

I gave her a curious look. "We were really good friends: him and me and Connor and Alli. And I liked him and he liked me but we were just kind of dancing around the issue."

"Sounds familiar," I teased.

"And then Connor found out that K.C. was living in a group home for troubled teens and he admitted that he had stolen some cars the year before with kids from his old school. He assumed that I wouldn't want to be friends with him anymore so he was avoiding me and I got angry at him so we weren't talking. Connor and Alli tried to scheme to get us together, and finally at this dance at school, I realized we were both being stupid and we needed to do something about it. So I had Connor lock us into the equipment room off the gym, and then I tried to kiss him."

"Tried?"

"He was still mad so moved away and it was one of the most humiliating moments of my life."

"And this is your favorite memory?"

She ignored me. "I tried to get away from him but he stopped me. And then we kissed. It was really sweet and chaste; there wasn't even any tongue involved. But it was my first kiss."

"I think ours was better," I said, leaning in for a kiss.

"Which one?"

I gave her a questioning look.

"Well, we sort of had two first kisses. One for the Romeo and Juliet video and the one in the library."

"You can't have two first kisses!" I exclaimed.

"So which one is it then?"

"The Romeo and Juliet one." Which I have watched over and over more nights than I'd ever admit to her.

Clare laughed. "So our first kiss took place on camera, with our best friend standing three feet away, for a school assignment. How romantic."

"At least there was tongue involved." Clare stuck hers out at me.

"I don't know," she continued. "I must have a few good memories of him but everything feels tainted now. Like I used to go cheer for him at his basketball games and sometimes he'd shoot me a smile after he made a basket or we'd go to the Dot after the game and share French fries, and then he'd walk me home and kiss me goodnight on my porch. And it was fun back then but now it just makes me think did he really want to be there with me? Or was he spending that whole time thinking about Jenna?"

"Did he cheat on you with her?"

She rolled her eyes. "No, but only in the strictest definition of cheating. He didn't kiss her until three hours after we broke up but he had been flirting with her practically since they met."

For someone who was always trying to get me to open up about my past, she had kept all of his hidden from me and I was starting to understand a lot about her and how she responded to our relationship because of this. "Do you think he liked her because he thought she would sleep with him?"

"I don't know. I think it was part of it." Clare smiled wryly. "A lot of good that got him."

"Clare Edwards, are you secretly happy that your ex knocked up the girl he dumped you for?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't wish bad teenage parents on a child just to feel good about myself."

Ah, my perfect girlfriend. "Right." Clare was still looking really depressed and I was starting to feel a little nervous. Was it possible she still had unresolved feelings for him? Is that why she never told me any of this? "You don't…miss him, do you?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"I'm not saying that you'd leave your amazing current boyfriend for him. But you used to be friends, right?"

"Yeah, before we dated."

"Would you want to be friends with him again?"

"He abandoned his pregnant girlfriend. And he abandoned me. I don't think he has it in him to change enough that I'd want to be friends with him again. I miss K.C. from the beginning of the year, just like I miss hanging out with Alli and Connor and doing nerdy Battle Bots competitions and playing Risk. But those days are over and I'm fine with it."

She didn't sound fine with it at all. "You okay?" I asked.

She looked wistful. "I wish we had more memories that were just of you and me."

At that moment, I knew I had to stop letting her help me with my room. "We will, Clare. We have all the time in the world."

I knew I had to do something to get K.C. out of her mind and Julia, too. "Hey, Clare," I said, lowering my voice a little bit and moving closer to her. "I don't want to talk about the past anymore."

"What do you want to talk about then?" she said with a tone that told me she knew exactly where I was going with this.

"You," I said, taking her earlobe between my lips. "My sexy girlfriend."

"Sexy?" Clare gave me a look of disbelief.

"So sexy," I murmured. I kissed her, holding her face in my hands as my mouth explored hers. Her tongue met mine and I tried to keep myself from moaning out loud at the sensation.

The only good thing about the fact that Clare and I weren't having sex was that we had these incredible marathon makeout sessions. Once I started sleeping with Julia, we'd kiss obviously, but it always seemed like we were trying to get to the next step. With Clare, I could really get lost in her kisses. I wanted to do more, but I didn't have to.

Unfortunately since we'd been so busy, it had been a while since we really got a chance to fool around. We'd had a few brief makeout sessions since our second date but it hadn't gotten as far as it did that day. One time I convinced her to spend our lunch hour hooking up in the back of Morty and that got pretty intense but the bell rang before we could really get anywhere.

It was still afternoon; we had plenty of time and my parents were out, not that they cared what we got up to in here, so I thought I would try to take this a little farther. Once her lips left mine to plant kisses down my neck, I slid my hand under her shirt and dipped it into her bra. Her lips fell away from my neck and she let out a sexy little moan.

As I rolled her nipple lightly between my fingers, I realized I hadn't quite gotten all of my thoughts about the past out of my head. I wanted to give Clare a special memory: something she'd never done before, something that could be just for us. Fortunately I was pretty sure she hadn't gotten very far before, so I wouldn't be pushing too many of her boundaries.

I pulled back a little and she gave me a curious look. "Did you do this with K.C.?" I asked, palming her breast with just enough pressure that there was no mistaking what I meant.

Her face turned red and she nodded, embarrassed. "Maybe like twice," she said.

Fuck. I hated that guy for touching her and then breaking her heart. I shifted my weight so that I was lying on one side and moved my other hand under her denim skirt. She stiffened a little and I was worried she was going to get mad, but as my hand slid up her inner thigh, she spread her legs just enough that I knew she wanted this.

"Did he touch you here?" I moved my finger along her underwear.

She shook her head. "Can I?" I whispered.

Clare looked really nervous, and I hated that because I only wanted to make her feel really good. I pressed my fingers against her again, making sure to put a little bit of pressure on her clit. Her face tightened and I could tell she enjoyed it but she didn't make any noise and she didn't tell me yes.

I didn't want to be one of those assholes who resorted to begging but I was starting to feel a little desperate. "Please, Clare. It won't go any farther than this. I just want to make you feel good. If you don't want to do this, just tell me to stop and I will."

She didn't say anything so I moved my hand out from under her skirt and pulled her into a hug. I gave her a bunch of little kisses, on her temple and her neck and her cheek and her hairline, just to let her know I wasn't upset.

She put her head on my chest and snuggled up into my side. "I want to," she said finally. "I'm just scared."

"Scared of what?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know how to help you if you don't talk to me."

"We've done enough talking."

She climbed on top of me and started kissing me with more enthusiasm than she had before. I figured I would just follow her lead and see where it took me.

We just kept kissing until Clare moved her hands under my shirt. I mimicked her motions, touching her exactly where she was touching me. She grazed her fingernail against my nipple so I did the same to her. She shivered and I smiled against her neck.

"Eli?"

I met her eyes and she nodded. My hand made the same journey it did before under her skirt and up her thigh, but I didn't hesitate to get inside her panties immediately, trying to show her just good I could make her feel.

I slid my index finger inside of her and she let out an "Oh, Eli," that almost made me lose control. She was so wet and so tight and I would have given anything to stick my cock inside her, but I reminded myself she wasn't ready and I needed to make this all about her.

I stroked her clit, making small gentle circles, wishing I had taken off some of her clothes so I could see her flushed skin. Clare's face was tense and I smoothed my other hand over her neck. "Relax, Clare. Let yourself go."

She grabbed onto my hand and entwined our fingers. Her breathing was increasing and I could tell she was getting close. "Eli, oh my God." Clare's back was starting to arch of the bed, and I pulled her shirt up and latched onto her nipple. I slid two fingers back inside and stroked her as my thumb tended to her clit.

I never would have thought that my innocent little Clare would be a screamer but her moans increased in volume so much that I was glad my parents were out because they definitely would have heard her. "Fuck, Eli," she moaned, right before she came and let out a wordless scream.

Wow. In a matter of minutes I had managed to get Clare to use the Lord's name in vain, scream both my name and the word fuck, and come so hard that she was lying against the pillow totally out of it. I slid my fingers out of her and sucked them into my mouth.

Fuck. I was so horny that I was practically splitting my skinny jeans open. I lay down next to Clare and she curled up next to me. "Thank you for that," she said.

"It was my pleasure." I wanted to create an amazing new memory for her, but I was pretty sure this moment was going to find its way into my metaphorical Clare box and never leave.

Clare moved her hand down to the button my jeans. "Can I…return the favor?"

I looked into her eyes to make sure she was certain. There was no fear in her eyes, all of the hesitance from earlier was gone. The look she was giving me was breathtaking and I found myself unable to speak.

I nodded and surrendered to the feeling of her hands surrounding me.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

**I don't typically write chapter stories so I never really write messages to the readers, but I just wanted to thank everyone who has read and reviewed this story. Your support has been overwhelming and very appreciated, especially those of you who found this story and went back and read my other ones.**

**I hope you like this chapter as much even though it's not as…intense as some of the others have been.**

Chapter 3

"I'm sorry, Clare, but I'm really making a lot of progress and I just don't think I can stop now," Eli said through the earpiece of my cell phone.

"We were supposed to have date number three tonight," I said, a little bit whinier than I would have liked. I was sitting on my bed, all dressed up and looking forward to going out.

"I'm sorry. You know how important this is. I'm at a point where I really can't stop."

"Could we get lunch tomorrow? At the Dot?"

"Sure," he said. "I'll try to call you later."

He hung up and I leaned back against my pillow. In the more than four months since we'd started dating, it seemed like we just spent less and less time together. Eli had decided that he had to work on his hoarding problem alone, but he spend so much time on it that it was really cutting into us hanging out. When we were together, it was great and we were really happy, but I missed him when he wasn't around, and lately that was happening more and more.

I got to see him in the morning, because he picked me up before school. He said it was because he wanted to spend time with me but I was pretty sure it was because he didn't want me riding my bike to school. We had lunch together and English and the first few months we'd either go to Eli's house after school or to the Dot, most afternoons.

Lately, Eli had been abandoning me after school to work on something important, or so he said, because I had no idea what he was doing. Which was extra annoying, since he didn't let me ride my bike to school so I had to beg Mrs. Torres for rides home every day.

I picked up the book I had left on my nightstand and started to read Amy and Roger's Epic Detour. I heard my mom knock on the door and called out, "Come in."

She sat down at the foot of my bed. "I just got off the phone with your father. His business trip was moved up to this week, so I'm going to stay with you until he gets back on Wednesday." She said this without any anger or annoyance.

I put my bookmark back in my book and put it on the bed. "And that doesn't bug you?"

"Well, it would certainly be easier if he had more notice, but all it means is that I get to spend more time with you, which is never a problem for me."

"Wow, Mom. Before the divorce you would have been freaking out about how inconsiderate Dad is."

She gave me a grim smile and patted my feet. "Before the divorce, I felt like he was always choosing work over me and that was hard for me to deal with. But I know for a fact that would never do that to you intentionally, and I hope you know that too, Clare."

It was weird that Mom and I (and Dad and I, on his weeks) had been spending so much time together since the divorce but I had never really asked her how she was doing. I felt bad that I was so wrapped up in Eli's issues and our relationship and my feelings over their divorce that I hadn't made an effort to be there for them.

"Is it weird? Sharing the condo with Dad? Especially since you share two homes but are never there together."

She laughed. "It is weird. But it's only for a few more years, until you go off to college and then we can have separate households. And we have separate bedrooms and bathrooms there so we don't have to see each other's personal stuff. The only thing we really share is the kitchen, and for all of our problems, your father and I never really had issues with sharing groceries."

"So it's okay? I mean you definitely seem to be less angry with each other."

"We are, Clare. And that's why we had to do this. We actually communicate much better than we ever did when we were married. We leave each other notes on the refrigerator doors in both apartments and if its really important, we'll email. I know I'm much happier now. I hope you are."

"I certainly don't miss the fighting."

She looked at her hands. "If you ever want to see the condo, I can take you over there. Just so you know what our lives are like when we're not with you. It's not very exciting, but I don't want you to feel excluded."

"That sounds good."

"So what are you doing home on a Friday? No Eli tonight?" Mom asked.

I shook my head. "He's making some progress in his room and didn't want to stop."

She gave me that worried look that all mothers have perfected. "Maybe it's good that you're spending a little time apart."

"Mom, I've barely gotten to see him recently. Ever since he decided that he would rather work on his room alone, he never seems to have time for me."

"I just don't understand what you see in that boy."

I sighed. This wasn't the first time we'd have this fight, though it had been a while since I usually just changed the subject at the first chance I got. "You don't even know him, Mom."

"Well, I've met him and I found him to be very rude."

"Mom, if you thought a little harder about that dinner, you would realize that I was the only person who was rude. I was upset about the divorce and I purposely told you everything about him that you would hate so that you and Dad would be agree on something. Eli was a perfect gentlemen like he always is and I humiliated him. And it was the worst thing I ever could have done, because now you hate him and you still got divorced and I'll never convince you that Eli is a wonderful person."

Mom walked over to the other side of my bed and sat down next to me, leaning back against the pillows. "Okay, Clare. Convince me. Tell me what you would have wanted me to know about Eli that would have made me have a different opinion of him."

"It doesn't matter what I say. You've made up your mind about him."

"Well, he's important to you. So if he's going to be sticking around, I should give him more of a chance."

I looked at Mom and she really seemed sincere. "Well, the best thing about Eli is how fiercely loyal he is. He doesn't have a lot of friends, but if he likes you, you're friends instantly and that's it for him. He bonded with Adam over one afternoon of trying to win concert tickets and a few days later, stood up for him when a bully was picking on him. And with me we spent one afternoon editing each others' essays and from then on we were friends. On day one he was encouraging me to take a risk and talk to you about what was going on with you and Dad."

She cringed a little. I had found out later that when I was out on the front porch thanking Eli for his help and borrowing his headphones, Dad was telling her he wanted to get divorced.

"He's a brilliant writer. He's not one of those smart kids who are only obsessed with their grades or anything, but he'll work for hours on a single essay just to make sure he's got it perfect. When he makes comments on my work, he doesn't worry about hurting my feelings; he just really wants to help me make my essays better. When we first became friends, he didn't really tell me much about himself but I learned so much about who he was from his writing."

I wrapped my arms around my knees. "He's really witty and sarcastic, but he's never mean and he never picks on people unless they deserve it. You'd never know it but he's the most sentimental guy I've ever met. That's part of his problem with the hoarding; everything has meaning for him."

"Well, he sounds like a lovely person to have as a friend. I just don't see how you have a relationship with someone who doesn't share your values."

"Is this about him being an atheist?"

"That's a big part of it, Clare. Your faith is so important to you. I just don't want this boy to cause you to turn your back on the church."

"Just because he doesn't believe doesn't mean he's a bad person. I mean, his girlfriend was killed by a drunk driver at the age of 15. That kind of tragedy doesn't exactly inspire faith in a benevolent omnipotent being." Mom looked unconvinced and I realized that the only thing that might convince her was a story that I probably shouldn't tell her because it would make her hate me. But I was in this for the long haul with Eli and if she never came around to him, we would be miserable.

"Mom, if I tell you something, will you promise not to hate me?"

She put her hand on mine. "I could never hate you, Clare."

"When you and Dad told me you were getting divorced, I was really upset. It made me do some stupid things like dress up like a punk in school and stay out late with Eli and get a piercing." Well I didn't really think the second part was stupid, but for the sake of this discussion, let my mom believe that.

"The one thing I started thinking about was whether I should still be focusing on waiting until marriage to have sex." My mother's eyes widened, but she didn't interrupt me. "I mean, if your marriage couldn't survive, what was the point? And I went to Eli's house and told him I wanted to spend the night with him."

My mother's grip on my hand tightened. "He turned me down. And I know it wasn't because he didn't want to sleep with me, but it was because he knew my faith was important to me, and he wasn't going to take that from me because I was upset and having doubts." I knew that the fact that he wanted to hide the hoarding was part of it, but after the fact, I realized that he would have turned me down anyway, though he might have brought me in and talked to me about it more had that not been a factor.

"So you haven't had sex with him?"

"No." Her face relaxed and she let out a sigh of relief. I thought back to the conversation we had last year after the vibrator incident and wondered if being honest would be best here. "But I've thought about it. I'm not so sure I want to wait for marriage anymore."

"Have you talked about it with Eli?"

I shot my mother a grateful look that she wasn't jumping to conclusions or yelling at me. "I have. He said we'll wait as long as I want. He even said he was fine whether that was a few months from now or when we get married." She made the same face of surprise that I did when he first said that to me. "Don't worry, we're not planning a wedding. We just both think it could be a possibility in the far away future."

Mom shook her head. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation with my baby girl."

"Is it weirder that we're talking about sex or marriage?"

She laughed. "Both."

"Well, sixteen is way too young to get married."

Mom gave me a sharp look. "It's too young for sex, too."

I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer to my next question, but I was wondering if it might help my case. "Well, how old were you? I mean, did you wait for marriage?"

Mom turned slightly away from me and focused on the Twilight poster I had on the far wall. She didn't answer for a minute. "I was 19. And no, I wasn't married, but it was with your father and we were engaged."

Her admission kind of made me look at my mother in a new light. She seemed a lot more…human than before. "I think 16 is too young to be engaged too," I said, trying to lighten the conversation a little. "But I met Eli in high school, not in college, and I know you think it's too young, but I really think he might be it for me, Mom."

She met my eyes again for the first time. "Do you love him?"

"I do."

"Have you told him?"

I shook my head. "I'm waiting for him to say it first. The last girl he said that to died, so I want to make sure he's absolutely 100% comfortable and sure, so it's just easier to wait for him."

"Do you think he loves you?"

I nodded. "He hasn't said it in so many words, but he's alluded to it a bunch of times. When I was upset once I told him I was losing everything I love, and he said, 'Not me.' Or he'll tweet me a song that has the gushiest romantic lyrics. I know he loves me so I don't mind waiting for him to say it."

"Well, Clare, it sounds to me like you have your mind made up. I hope you know that I really want you to wait, but that I'll love you no matter what you decide. And no matter what, please just promise me you'll be safe. I'm way too young to be a grandmother and I don't want you to wreck your life."

"Mom," I said, a few tears pooling in the corners of my eyes. "I will be…and thank you for understanding."

I could see she was also fighting back tears so she pursed her lips and put on her stern Mom face. "I'm making you an appointment with Dr. Anderson. You can talk to her about your options." Her face softened. "I can go with you if you want."

It sounded embarrassing either way but I was touched at how nice my mom was being about this. "Thanks."

She moved to get off the bed and I jumped up after her and gave her a huge hug. She squeezed me and gave me a kiss on top of my head.

"Hey, Mom," I said, as she reached the door. "Could I invite Eli over for another dinner? I know he'd really like to get to know you too. Then maybe if you two can get along, he can come over here sometimes."

She smiled. "That's a good idea, Clare."

I had another thought and was afraid of ruining the nice moment I was having with my mom. "Could I invite Dad too?" Her face fell and I quickly added, "It's just…it might be easier for Eli to only go through one awkward dinner rather than two. And you two have been getting along better. We could go out somewhere instead of having it here if that's too weird."

"Of course, Clare. I'll email Dad about getting together once he's back from his trip and we'll try to find a date that will work."

I grinned. "You're the best, Mom."

She rolled her eyes. "I try."

We heard an unmistakable loud car pull up in the driveway. "I thought Eli was busy tonight?" Mom asked.

I shrugged and ran down the stairs. I threw open the door and Eli was on the porch.

"I couldn't wait until tomorrow to see you," he said, giving me a shy smile that I rarely saw on his face.

I threw my arms around him and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Ahem." We pulled apart and turned to my mother who was standing in the wide open doorway, crossing her arms and giving us an amused smile.

"It's nice to see you, Eli, but why don't you take this into the living room? I don't think the neighbors need to see the two of you making out on my front stoop." She laughed and turned back up the stairs.

Eli gave me a curious look. "Did your mother just invite me inside to hook up with you? And say it was nice to see me?"

I grabbed his hand pulled him inside. "I think she's ready to give you a second chance. We're going to have dinner together one night next week: you, me, Mom and Dad."

His eyes lit up. "Sounds great." He sat down on the couch and pulled me onto his lap. "I'm going to make you a list of topics of conversation we should not bring up at this dinner."

"Such as…your collection of death metal albums on vinyl," I teased.

Eli grinned. "The time we were ten minutes late to English class because we were making out in the girls' locker room."

"Your fake ID creation skills."

"Or my skills in…other areas."

I raised my eyebrows and blushed, remembering the intense orgasm he had given me last time we were really together. "I haven't gotten to experience all of your skills yet."

His eyes darkened and his moved his lips against my ear. "Anytime you want, Clare. All you have to do is ask."

I didn't want to start anything with him tonight, considering my mother was upstairs and I had just convinced her to give Eli another chance. So I just hugged him tight against me. "I'm so glad you came to see me tonight."

He smiled against my neck. "Me too."


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

**Just so you know I've opened a twitter account for fanfic so feel free to follow me: themusiksnob.**

**I'm marking this one as complete, but I've got one or two more ideas for it, so there's a chance I might continue. If they don't work out, don't worry, I'm sure I'll come up with some oneshots.**

**Thanks for reading!**

Chapter 4

I reached across the table and grabbed Clare's hand. She put down her fork after taking a bite of the cheesecake we were sharing and smiled at me. Her eyes sparkled in the candlelight and she looked incredible in her short black dress that showed just enough cleavage to distract me from her beautiful eyes.

"You know, Clare, you told me I was being optimistic when I brought up saving tattoos for our six month anniversary."

She laughed. "I had never had a sixth month anniversary before, so it didn't seem like a forgone conclusion to me."

"Still thinking about the dragon tattoos?" I teased.

Clare shook her head and we both laughed. Things had been pretty difficult for us when we first got together, but Clare had started to cope with her parents' divorce and she had stopped trying to be a rebel to get their attention. I still egged her on occasionally to get her to do things outside her comfort zone, but she had managed to get both her and me back in her parents' good graces which made things a lot easier for us.

Being with her like this reminded me a lot of her on our first date. She was so sweet and easy to talk to and funny and feisty and flirty. Over the last six months (or if I was honest with myself, for longer than that), I had really fallen for this girl.

I took one last bite of the cheesecake and left some money on the table to cover the check. We had spent such a long time at the restaurant, really savoring our dinner together and talking about everything that when I checked my watch, I discovered we had about an hour left before her curfew and there was something I really had to show her before I brought her home.

"Do you mind if we stop off at my house for a little bit? There's something I really want to show you."

"Sounds good," she said. She slung her large green purse over her shoulder and grabbed my hand as we walked out to Morty.

I could feel my hands shaking a little bit against the wheel and took a deep breath to calm myself down. Clare hadn't seen my room in almost two months and I was really nervous to see her reaction. She gave me a strange look and placed her hand on my knee. That probably wasn't the best way to calm me down, but I wrapped my fingers in hers and squeezed anyway.

We made it back to my house and I dragged her upstairs before Bullfrog or Cece could comment, though I saw them exchanging looks as we went past. They didn't really understand my relationship with Clare, but half the time I didn't really understand them so I figured it was an even trade.

I unlocked the padlock, realizing that I probably didn't need to keep that on there anymore. I opened the door and ushered Clare into the room ahead of me.

"Eli," she said, in wonder, looking around the room.

It wasn't immaculate, but it looked like a normal teen boy lived here instead of a crazy hoarder. I still had too many things crowding my shelves and my closet was filled to the ceiling and between my CDs and my books and my DVDs and my vinyl (not even counting my mp3 collection), I had enough entertainment options to keep my busy for the next four centuries.

The floor was relatively clean, with the exception of my school uniforms from both today and yesterday, which I had dumped unceremoniously on the floor the second I got home from school and put on my normal clothes. My parents had bought me a new carpet and bedspread to celebrate my progress, and the place really looked nice.

"I can't believe how much you got rid of," she said. "Even the tubs are gone."

"Mom helped me a lot," I admitted. I couldn't do a lot of it myself but Mom could be objective about things in a way that Clare couldn't.

Her eyes looked a little bit glassy and she threw her arms around me. "I'm so proud of you, Eli."

I squeezed her tight. I could feel her stretch up on her tiptoes to peer over my shoulder. "What's that?" she asked. She let go of me and walked over to the box on my dresser.

"That's what I've been working on."

It was a large wooden box, sanded and stained until each surface was a warm golden brown. Clare ran her fingers along the top where I had carved the word Julia. "This is beautiful, Eli. Did you make this?"

I beamed with pride. "I did. I wanted to do something special with the things I was keeping that reminded me of Julia and I've gotten pretty friendly with Mr. Ehl, the autoshop teacher, since I'm always fixing Morty in the parking lot and he introduced me to Mr. Sanders, the woodshop teacher. He helped me design this and taught me how to use the tools to make it. You can open it if you want."

It had taken me six months but I had gotten through all of the stuff in my room and narrowed it down to the most important things. Most of the box was taken up by two photo albums. I took them out and put them on the dresser and opened each to a random page.

"This one is of pictures of Julia or of me during the time we were together." I gestured at the other book. "This one is pictures of the stuff I had collected that had meaning for me, but that I really only needed to keep the memory not the actually stuff. Everything that's in here I threw out, but this way I'll never forget." I had written annotations next to most of the pictures, describing the specific memory.

"If you ever want to look through these, you can, but you don't have to. I don't want to hide anything from you, Clare, but I know it's not easy to hear about my past and there's a few things in here you really might not want to know about."

She flipped to another page in the second album and shook her head when she saw one of the pictures was of the red bra that I had pretended to throw out a few months ago. She closed the book. "I really want to see this and take the time and read through your annotations and talk to you about your favorite memories, but why don't we save this for another day?"

She peered into the bottom of the box. It only contained the most important memories: the necklace I had given Julia for our six month anniversary that her mother had returned to me after her death, the movie ticket stub from our first date, the dried boutonniere she got me for our Winter Formal, a Belle and Sebastian CD that I didn't really like but was Julia's favorite, my Alexisonfire t-shirt that Julia would steal whenever she slept over. The love letters I had written before and after she died but never given to her.

I stepped back from the box before my emotions overwhelmed me. Clare gently placed the photo albums back in the box and closed the lid. She brought me over to the bed and pulled me into a tight hug. "That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, Eli. I'm sure Julia would have loved it."

I moved back a few inches so I could look at her face. "That's the thing, Clare. I spent so much time making this box and sorting all of my stuff and taking pictures and throwing things out. And when I finished it, the only thing I could think of was that this box was my past. And I went to the woodshop and tried to make another box."

I grabbed onto her hands. "I wanted to make a box for you, Clare, a box that could hold all of our memories together. I know you were upset that there weren't many things in the Clare bin when we were sorting. But the thing is: you're my future. And I tried so hard to make a box for you, but I realized that the memories we create together aren't going to fit into one box."

"What I'm trying to say is," I took a deep breath. Her eyes narrowed a bit as if she were nervous about what I was about to say. "I love you."

Her eyes widened but she didn't hesitate. "I love you too."

I grinned at her and she blushed. She looked down at our entwined hands. "I've never said that to anyone before," she admitted. "But it feels perfect right now."

I wasn't really surprised by that; everything she had told me about her relationship with K.C. made it seem a little bit superficial. But I had said it before and I really knew what those words meant. "I never thought I'd be able to say it again," I told her and she squeezed my hand. "I'm so glad I found you." I lifted her hand to my lips.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the clock on my nightstand and groaned. "I really don't want to, but if you want to make your curfew, I'm going to have to bring you home now."

She looked into my eyes shyly. "I told my dad I was staying over Alli's house tonight. So you could either drop me off there or…" She gave me an innocent look. "Maybe I could spend the night with you."

Months ago, after Clare had shown up on my doorstep and asked me to sleep with her, we had decided that we were going to wait – maybe not for marriage since Clare had seemed to change her mind on that, but at least until we were both 100% sure it was right. I didn't think Clare was at the point yet, and it wouldn't be easy to spend the night in the same bed with her and not want to do more, but it was so sweet and romantic at the same time that there was no way I was going to turn her down.

"That explains why you're using your gigantic purse again," I said. "You were planning a little sleepover."

She laughed. "Well, yes, I packed some PJs and clothes for tomorrow. But I've got at least one surprise in here for you."

I looked up at her in surprise. "Clare, we said no presents."

"It's not a present exactly," she said, but she wouldn't give me any more information.

"So we've got a whole night together…" I smiled at Clare's blushing face. "Should we watch a movie?"

I grabbed the remote to turn the TV. She pulled on my arm. "I don't want to watch anything."

"Then what do you have in mind?" I teased, using the same tone of voice that she used on me months ago, right before I kissed her in the school library.

She leaned back against the pillows and pulled me on top of her. I claimed her lips with mine and we kissed with an intensity we had never reached before. I trailed my lips into her cleavage, licking and nipping at the skin I kept staring at throughout our dinner together. She pulled my blazer off, which was a relief since I was already starting to feel really hot.

Clare wound her fingers through my hair near the nape of my neck and pulled just enough that I followed her lead, flipping onto my back as she climbed on top of me. I reached down and ran my hand along her thigh, slipping under the skirt of her dress. I was glad it was the end of May and she didn't bother wearing tights underneath and I could feel her skin.

My hands made it up the back of her legs and I cupped her ass. I could tell the underwear she had on felt different than her usually cotton briefs and I was curious to see it. I wanted to slide down the zipper on the back of her dress and get her naked, but she was usually more comfortable when we left most of our clothes on, so I thought I'd wait.

Everything was feeling really intense, at least for me, and I kept hoping Clare would do something, anything to move things farther. I always felt like I was pushing her and I hated that.

I thought about suggesting that we get changed into our pajamas, but that would probably lead to Clare going to the bathroom and I really wanted to be the person to peel her dress off her.

I was feeling really frustrated, and Clare's hands stroking my chest through my button down shirt without undoing any of the buttons wasn't helping me at all, so I thought it might be time for us to take a break and for me to get myself back under control.

"So what's this surprise you have for me?"

Clare sat up and blushed brighter than I had ever seen before. She grabbed her bag from the floor. I was expecting her to have to root around in that giant bag for a while but she immediately pulled out a box and handed it to me.

"Clare, this is…" I looked up at her in surprise. She had handed me a large box of condoms. "You bought a 36 pack?"

"It was the most cost effective package."

I rolled over on my stomach and roared with laughter. "It's not funny, Eli," Clare said, sounding annoyed. I sat up and put my arms around her.

"I'm sorry, Clare, I'm just picturing you standing in the family planning aisle of the pharmacy, comparing unit prices to get the best deal."

She met my eyes and she giggled too. "I made Alli go with me to buy them."

"And what are Alli's thoughts on this?" I gestured between the two of us. I didn't see Alli very often now that she attended a different school and I was curious if she thought I was corrupting her best friend.

"She thinks that as long as we love each other and we're safe, we should do whatever we want."

"And what do you think?" I asked softly. I wanted to make sure she was really ready this time and that if we did this, she would have no regrets.

"I think that I love you, and I'm ready to take the next step with you." She gave me the sexiest smile I've ever seen. "I want you, Eli."

I grinned at her. "So you're telling me that you want to have sex with me, not just once…but 36 different times?"

"If you're lucky," she teased.

"Oh, I'm lucky," I said smugly. "I've got 12 more in my nightstand for when we run out."

"So you've been planning too?"

I laughed. "I had a hunch this day might come a little sooner than your college graduation, though I'll admit, I wasn't expecting it to be tonight."

"Are you sure you're ready?" Clare peered into my eyes with a serious look.

"I've been ready since the moment I ran over your glasses." Which we both knew wasn't true, but I had certainly been thinking about it for about that long.

"Soooo…what happens now?" Clare said to break the awkward silence.

I cupped her cheek in my hand. "Why don't we pretend we haven't had this conversation and just start with kissing and see where that takes us?" I pushed her curls behind her ear and pressed a kiss to her neck, right at her pulse point.

She attempted to lie down but I held her arms so she remained kneeling next to me. I kissed her, slowly, carefully, trying to show her how much I loved her with every kiss. I ran my hand over her curves, from her hip, up her side and over her breast. She unknotted my tie and threw it over her shoulder and started to unbutton my shirt. She got it all open but left it on as she ran her hands over my chest.

I pulled back to look at her and her gaze was intense. When Clare looked at me I always saw love, but this was the first time I could see an equal measure of lust.

I backed off the bed and grabbed her hand, pulling her off the bed with me. With her standing in front of me, I started sucking on her neck, not hard enough to leave a mark, but enough that my vampire loving girlfriend let out a soft moan. I left open mouthed kisses on her shoulder as I moved around her and stood behind her, holding her in place with my hands on both her arms.

My lips met her earlobe, and I tugged lightly on the zipper on the back of her dress. "Clare," I whispered. "I'm going to take your dress off now."

She shivered. I gave her a moment to protest but she didn't so I slipped the zipper down slowly, kissing each new inch of skin that I uncovered. I spread the fabric with my fingers, enjoying the feeling of her soft, lightly freckled skin. When I unzipped to her waist, I pushed the straps off her shoulders and skimmed the snug fabric over her hips until the dress pooled around her ankles.

She stepped out of the garment and turned back towards me.

"Clare," I croaked. She was wearing a matching black, lacy underwear and bra set. The fabric was see-through enough that I could see her nipples, though the bra was cut low enough that they were practically spilling out over the top anyway. Clare usually wore undergarments that were white, plain and cotton, very utilitarian, but this was clearly a special purchase and I was really pleased.

She laughed as I oogled her, unable to tear my eyes away from her curvy figure. I was glad Clare seemed to be feeling confident standing in front of my half naked. "This was Alli's idea as well."

"I knew I liked that girl," I joked. Remind me to get Alli a very nice birthday present to thank her for helping my girl look so freaking incredible.

"While we're still standing up," she smirked at me, giving me a look that was eerily reminiscent of the looks I was usually giving her. "You have entirely too many pieces of clothes on."

She placed her hands on my stomach and moved them up to my shoulders until she pushed my shirt down my arms. She started tugging on my belt and I grinned at how much difficulty she was having with it. When she finally got the belt undone as well as my jeans, she pulled them down, placing an unexpected kiss on me through my boxers. My eyes practically leapt out of my head as she stood and put her arms around my neck.

I dragged her back onto the bed, and we lay down, a giggling tangle of arms and legs. Everything felt different with so little clothes on. I lowered the cup of her bra and sucked on her nipple, while she lightly bit my arms and shoulders. When her tongue started thrusting against mine with a new determination, I knew she must be pretty ready. I removed her bra and then did the same with her panties.

The sight of Clare Edwards lying in my bed completely naked, with flushed, slightly sweaty skin and curls going every which way against my pillow, was by far the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I committed her image to memory; if I were an artist, I would paint it, and if I ever thought she'd let me, I'd take a picture so that I'd always remember the moment I saw her body for the first time.

Clare had slipped her hands under my boxers, cupping my ass and one hand was starting to sneak around to the front, so I grabbed her wrist. I really needed to get her off, because there was no way I was going to last long enough insider her to make that happen, not this first time at least. I placed my mouth against her ear and slid one finger between her legs. "Clare, I'm going to go down on you now, but my parents are home and you're going to have to come for me without screaming out loud. Do you think you can do that?"

Clare looked at me with wide eyes and nodded, biting her lower lip. I hadn't done this to her before because she seemed to be too nervous about letting me see her naked, but the few times I'd been able to finger her I'd been dreaming about doing this too. She spread her legs in anticipation as I kissed down her body starting with her lips. When I reached my destination, I slid two fingers inside her and used my tongue on her clit. She let out an audible moan and I looked up at her. "No louder than that, Clare. My parents don't care but I really don't want to have to talk to them tomorrow about my performance."

She shot me a look that told me she didn't really care about what I was saying and that I better get back down to business. It only took about two minutes of teasing her with my tongue for her to arch off the bed and clench around my fingers, yelling out my name with only slightly more volume than I would have liked to hear given the circumstances.

I lay back down next to her and she immediately kissed me, tasting herself on my tongue and lips. She didn't seem to mind and if anything, it was a turn on because she immediately tugged on the waistband of my boxers and I lifted my hips so she could slide them off me.

She had seen me before, so I wasn't super nervous about how I looked, but I was really nervous about being with her. It seemed stupid; I had certainly done this plenty of times before, but it was different with Clare.

"Eli," she whispered, putting her mouth against my ear like I had done to her before. "I want you to make love to me."

I closed my eyes. Wow. This is actually going to happen. I reached for the box of condoms and began the awkward ritual. I really wished she was on the pill and I could just slide into her.

Clare watched with wide eyes as I rolled the condom down, lightly rubbing her fingers against my hip. I moved on top of her and placed myself at her entrance. I met her eyes, making sure she had time to change her mind. "Eli," she whined, pressing herself against me.

I pushed in slowly, trying not to hurt her. Her jaw clenched a little as I broke her barrier but she didn't cry out. "Does it hurt?" I whispered, kissing her cheek.

"No, it's okay."

It felt a lot more than okay for me. I kept moving into her, slowly thrusting my hips against hers. Her breathing was increasing and I cupped her breast in my hand, sucking on the skin between them and leaving a mark with my lips. I used my other hand to hitch her leg around my hip and her other leg followed suit. The new angle made me enter her more deeply and I struggled to control myself.

We weren't doing a lot of kissing, but that was okay because it meant I could look into her eyes. There was so much emotion lurking in her expression: passion and pleasure and love and longing. It was almost too powerful and I buried my face in her neck as I increased my pace. Clare was letting out these sexy little pants and I could feel every breath she took against my naked chest. I wondered if I could actually give her an orgasm during her first time.

The one benefit to this not being my first time is that I had learned quite a few tricks over the months I had slept with Julia. I pushed myself up a little and reached down for her clit. I had to move a little bit and it messed up my rhythm, but Clare got a little bit louder and her sighs and whimpers became a little more frequent. Unfortunately, hearing Clare make such sexy sounds was just what I needed to go over the edge and I released inside her with a moan of my own.

I collapsed on top of her for about a minute, but realized I needed to take care of the condom situation so I pulled out of her. I gave her a shy look and grabbed a tissue from the box on my nightstand. She sat up next to me and wrapped her arms around me as I cleaned myself up.

"So what did you think?" I asked, running my finger down her naked side.

"It was amazing," Clare whispered.

"You're amazing."

We gazed at each other for a while, just sharing sweet smiles and gentle caresses. Eventually I started to get a little bit cold and a little bit tired.

"Come on," I said and pulled on her hand. We jumped off the bed and I turned down the covers. I grabbed my boxers and Clare slid her underwear back on. She reached for her green bag but I placed my hand on her wrist. "This is a pajama free zone." She giggled and climbed into bed with only her panties on.

I turned off the overhead light and climbed in next to her. We snuggled together under the covers. "Clare," I whispered. "Thank you for tonight. It was incredible and I love you so much."

"I love you, too," she said.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

**So I lied and there is another chapter, but this is the last one for this story. I've got two one shots floating around in my brain and hopefully I'll find a little more inspiration in this very long Degrassi hiatus.**

Chapter 5

When my cell phone went off the next morning, I practically fell out of bed.

"Shut it off," Eli grumbled in his sleep. Then he bolted straight upright in bed. "Oh my God, is that your parents?"

I leaned over, trying to grab my purse without getting out from underneath the covers, realizing that I wasn't wearing very much, which was a little less intimidating when I was in the heat of the moment last night. I grabbed my phone, and noticed it was my alarm ringing.

"Sorry, it's just my alarm."

He groaned and lay back down, pulling me into his arms. "It's Saturday. There's no need for alarms."

"Actually, I need to go take my pill."

Eli opened his eyes and turned me so that I was looking at him. "What pill?"

"You know," I said. "My birth control pill."

"You're on…?" He rubbed his eyes. "Why'd you buy so many condoms then?"

"Because neither form is 100% effective, and I am not getting pregnant in high school."

"Take it later. Let's go back to sleep."

I laughed. "I need to take it at the same time every day, and the easiest time is before school. I usually take it on weekends and then go back so sleep."

"Well, hurry up, then." I was rapidly getting the impression that Eli wasn't much of a morning person.

I slipped out of bed, keeping my back toward Eli and grabbed my pajamas out of my bag and put them on. I realized I needed a glass of water, and I couldn't really go down to Eli's kitchen.

"Eli," I said. He was already fast asleep. I walked around the bed and shook him a little bit. "I need you to get me a glass of water."

"Bathroom. Green cup," he mumbled.

I didn't really want to leave his room by myself, but I needed to pee anyway, so I figured that would work. I grabbed my pills and my toiletry bag and opened his door slowly. No one was in the hallway, so I slipped out and quickly locked myself in the bathroom.

I saw Eli's green cup and poured out a cup of water. I wasn't very good at swallowing pills, especially since the water wasn't that cold, so it took me a couple of swallows to get it down.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Aside from the fact that my hair looked not just slept on but messed up from our activities last night, I didn't think I looked any different. "Good, then my mom won't be able to tell," I mumbled, running my fingers through my curls and trying to make myself look a little more presentable. I brushed my teeth and used the toilet.

I kind of wanted to take a shower, but decided that I'd rather get back to Eli. An image flashed in my mind of the two of us taking a shower together and my face turned red. Maybe the next time his parents leave us alone we could try it.

I was a little bit distracted by my dirty thoughts and I opened up the door without even thinking. Cece was standing in the hallway, right in front of me. Her arms were crossed but she had an amused smile on her face.

"Good morning," I said, and tried to sneak past her but she grabbed my arm and dragged me into her bedroom.

I don't know why but for some reason I always pictured Bullfrog and Cece's room as looking a lot like Eli's with rock posters covering the walls. But it was definitely the bedroom of two adults, super clean and organized with artwork on the walls instead of posters. The bed was even made, even though it was only 7:30 in the morning.

She gestured at the bed and I sat down. She closed the door behind us and sat down next to me. "Bullfrog's at the station," she explained. "He's covering the Saturday morning shift for a guy that's on vacation, so he had to get up at 3 a.m. And he was a little surprised that when he got up to get ready, he could hear two sets of voices coming from Eli's room, considering you have a 10 o'clock curfew."

I gave her an embarrassed look, although secretly I was glad that he heard us when we were snuggling and talking in the afterglow rather than earlier in the night. "I told my parents I was sleeping over Alli's house," I admitted.

"Did you and Eli have a nice anniversary dinner?"

I shot her a smile for starting off with an easy question even though I was sure I knew where she was going with this. "Yeah, we went to Spuntini. It was delicious."

"And afterward?"

I didn't really know what she wanted me to say.

"Did you two have sex?"

I looked down at my hands and nodded. My purity ring caught my eye and I absentmindedly twisted it around my finger. I needed to figure out what to do with that now. I felt a little angry at my parents for putting me in this situation before I even really understood what this meant. The ring was supposed to be a reminder for me, but instead it had turned into a symbol that other people could use to form opinions about me and that just didn't seem fair.

"And you're happy with that decision?"

I gave her a confused look. "Of course."

"Good."

She laughed at the look on my face. "Clare, I wasn't expecting you to give me a different answer. But I just needed to know for sure. Last I heard you were planning to wait until marriage for sex. And I know sometimes people change their mind about that, and I know my son is a good person and would never pressure you into doing something you didn't want to, but I also know that sometimes decisions made in the heat of passion don't always feel so right the next morning."

I thought about Alli and Johnny DeMarco and knew just what she was talking about. "You don't have to worry. I knew exactly what I was doing and I'm really happy that I did."

"So was it good?" I could see where Eli got his smirk from.

My face flushed. "I can't talk to you about this."

Cece laughed. "Well, you don't need to tell me all the details. But if you ever have any questions or just need someone to talk to, you can come to me. I know your mom is pretty…conservative about these things."

"She is…but she did come with me to the gynecologist and she was much more supportive than I ever expected. But I could never ask her advice on this stuff, so thanks." I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to ask Cece either, but considering I didn't really have any close girlfriends with lots of experience, it was touching to know I had someone, even if it was Eli's mom. I wished Darcy was around, although given her history I wasn't so sure she would be supportive.

Cece pulled me into a hug. "Thank you, Clare. For bringing my baby boy back to life." She looked at the clock on her nightstand. "I've got some errands to run, but I'll be back around 10 if you want to stay for some breakfast."

"That sounds nice," I said.

We walked out into the hallway and she gestured toward Eli's bedroom. "Go cuddle. I'll see you later."

I climbed back into bed next to Eli, but he didn't stir. I was too wired after my conversation with Cece to get back to sleep, so I sat up against the headboard and watched Eli for a little bit. When he was awake he was so handsome and smirky, but when he was asleep, Eli looked like an angel. His long eyelashes pressed against his cheek and his hands were folded underneath his chin. I ran my fingers through his hair absently as he snored lightly.

I thought about what had happened between us last night and smiled. I always thought of sex as a physical act, but I never realized how intensely emotional it was. I had always expected it to mean something, especially when I was planning to wait for my wedding night, but thinking about it and experiencing it were light years apart. I had definitely been worried, especially since the only person I could really talk to was Alli and her first and only experience was so terrible. But Eli was so caring and sweet and sexy and he really made it special for me.

I twirled my ring around on my finger again. I took it off and held it in my other hand. I had been wearing it for so long that my finger looked strange without it.

I hadn't realized that Eli was awake until he laced his fingers in mine. He took the ring from my hand. "No regrets, right Clare?" he asked softly.

"None at all," I said, leaning down to kiss him.

He sat up next to me and looked at the ring. "Are you going to take this off? Everyone's going to know if you do. I don't care what people think about that, but I know you do."

"I know, but…it just doesn't feel right anymore."

He examined the inscription. "True love waits." He smirked. "That's my favorite Radiohead song."

I laughed. "Oh really?"

"I'll have to play it for you sometime," he said. He slipped the ring back on my finger and held my hand out where I could see it. "You know, you waited for true love. So you didn't break your vow, at least not in spirit, and you should keep wearing the ring. It's nobody's business but ours."

"And your mom's," I said. "She may have caught me leaving the bathroom this morning."

Eli groaned. "Please tell me she didn't ask you all about it."

"She did, but I just told her I was really happy."

"Make sure you tell that to Alli." I shot him a look. "Hey, you know you're going to call her and tell her all the details the second you leave here, and I don't really want her to hate me."

He was right, so I couldn't be too mad. "Are you going to tell Adam?"

"Probably," he admitted. "But not all the details. I don't want to make him uncomfortable around us, especially considering…"

I wasn't really sure what he meant. "He and Fiona have been dating for a while."

"Yeah but they haven't…" Eli paused and I could tell he was struggling not to betray Adam's confidence. "Let's just say, they are a few steps behind us when it comes to physical stuff."

Ah. I hadn't realized that but now that I thought about it, it made sense. "Is that because of her or him?"

"Him, mostly."

I wished Adam would open up to me about this kind of stuff. He and Eli had developed such a tight bond, but although Adam and I were close, we mostly talked about school or family problems and not our relationships. I thought that going to a girl for advice made him feel too girly and that's why he didn't come to me, but it definitely hurt a little bit to be left out by someone I really cared about.

Eli slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer, his hand sliding under the hem of my tank top. "What's with all the clothes?" he asked, placing a kiss on my shoulder.

I blushed. "I had to pee and I couldn't walk around your house half naked."

He nodded. "You could have taken them off when you came back. But I guess I should probably take care of that, too," he said and climbed out of bed. He stretched his arms over his head and I stared at his body. "Try to control yourself while I'm gone, Edwards," he teased. He grabbed a t-shirt off the floor.

"Your mom went out to do some errands. She won't be back until 10," I said.

He dropped the t-shirt and moved over toward the door. "In that case, try not to control yourself."

I rolled my eyes as he left the room. I was feeling a little bit sore from last night and I wasn't sure I really wanted to start anything up this morning.

I saw the Julia box sitting on his dresser across the room and thought it was time for me to look through it. I grabbed the album that contained the photos of stuff that had meaning for Eli and climbed back into bed.

He hadn't organized it chronologically or thematically so it was a little haphazard but it definitely gave me a sense of the relationship they had shared and what Eli was like back when he was with her. There were tons of movie stubs; they must have gone to movies almost every weekend – lots of horror, but some that were a little more serious and independent. There were concert tickets as well. I knew Eli was often able to get comp tickets from his Dad's radio station, but we didn't really have the same taste so we hadn't gone to one together.

Eli came back into the room and saw me with the book. Without a word, he slipped the t-shirt he had discarded over his head and curled up next to me, so close I could smell his toothpaste. I smiled when I saw a photo of an ugly Halloween mask with the caption _Julia thought this looked like Mr. Grayson, our geometry teacher_. A lot of the memories were really sweet. There was a card from a flower shop with the caption _This shop dyed a dozen roses black for our one month anniversary. _I squeezed Eli's hand. "You're such a romantic," I teased.

Some of the memories weren't quite so innocent. One caption-less photo featured what I was pretty sure was a bong. I shot Eli a look. "She was kind of into pot," he admitted sheepishly.

"Were you?" I asked, trying to keep the judgment out of my voice.

"Sometimes, with her," he said. "It wasn't really my thing."

"What was your thing?" I asked, biting my lip.

"Back then? I drank a lot more than I do now. Sometimes that was fun."

"Why don't you now?"

He pulled me closer. "Well, it was easier then because I didn't have a license so I didn't really have to worry about driving. I haven't totally stopped drinking; sometimes I'll split a six pack with Adam on our guys' nights. But overall, I'd just rather spend my time with you."

Every time I thought I had learned all of Eli's secrets, he always managed to reveal a little more about himself. I flipped to the page I had seen yesterday and read the caption next to the photo of the red bra. _First time 1/1/09_ _and many times after._

I closed the book, not really wanting to know anything more. Eli took it out of my hands and put it back in the box.

When he got back into bed, he leaned back against the headboard and pulled me into his arms. "I tried to warn you," he said.

"It's okay, Eli."

"Clare," he whispered. "What can I do to show you that there's no place I'd rather be right now than holding you in my arms?"

I looked into his eyes and I knew he was telling me the truth. He was my sexy, charming, smart, sweet, sarcastic boyfriend and I loved him. "I can think of some ways," I said, lowering my lips to his.

Everything happened really quickly. We were fueled by passion and a desire to prove how much we wanted each other and we peeled off each others' clothes in record time, and between his kisses and his hands I was ready for him almost instantly. Eli rolled on a condom with only a slight pout and he was inside me within minutes. We kissed, somewhat sloppy and open mouthed as he thrust into me, a lot less reserved than last night, and I grabbed his hip with a little bit of force. I didn't quite finish before it was over, but I didn't mind since it felt amazing.

He tried to touch me, but I moved his hand away since I was definitely feeling sore now, but I curled up against him and entwined his fingers in mine.

"We should get dressed. Mom's going to be home soon," Eli said.

"Do you think that your mom will make us some pancakes?"

"I hope not," he said, his eyes sparkling. "It'll be too hard not too imagine pouring the syrup onto you and licking it off."

"Eli!" I slapped him on his arm.

"Clare, you're lying in bed with me stark naked, after fucking me senseless, and you're shy about a little syrup."

I could feel my face heating up. "I think the correct term is making love."

Eli rolled his eyes. "That was what we did last night." He wiggled his eyebrows at me. "This morning was something else entirely."

He kissed me on the cheek and jumped out of bed, pulling some clothes out of his drawers. I followed suit, putting on the sundress I had brought with me. I heard his mother slam the front door with a lot of force to let us know she was home and I giggled.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the door. "I am starving," he said. He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and nipped at my neck.

"Your mom is home," I scolded him gently. "We need to go downstairs and pretend we're not thinking about each other naked."

Eli smirked at me. "Do you think Alli wants to have another sleepover tonight? I don't want this day to end."

"Let's not push it." I kissed him and smiled. "I think next weekend Jenna is going to need a lot of help with her prenatal class."

"Sounds perfect."


End file.
